April 23, 2009 10 Comments Under Lighten Up
The Top Ten Faces of Facebook
From our desks high atop a parking lot, we found the following types of Facebook users to be the most popular in these parts.
10) The Martyrs – They wonder why their friends ignore them. We’ll get back to you after you’ve upped your meds.
9) The Braggers – Obsessed with the need to share, these users reveal details of their trips to Gstaad, Daytona Raceway or the new SuperTarget. Everybody knows bragging when they see it. Don’t make me hide you.
8) The Picture People – Bless their hearts, these people actually think their friends are going to view all 427 pictures in one of their 238 different photo albums, from their 2002 Family-Only Christmas to the birth of a new farm animal. Learn to be selective. Besides, your visuals are taking up way too much space.
7) The Gifters – I think so much of you that I sent you a virtual gift. It proves my virtual love for you, my virtual friend. All 786 of you.
6) The TMIers – Thanks to these “Too Much Informationers”, we all know what they eat (sometimes we even get photos!!), when they have a zit, what their child just upchucked and what color it was. Trust me, no one – including your real-life human friends – wants to know that much about your life.
5) The Philosophers – I post Status Updates, therefore I am. No, really, I am.
4) The Best Friends Forevers – How many confirmed users are really your friends? If you didn’t talk to them in high school, why are you talking to them now?
3) The Pick Me Firsters – These are the folks who want to be the first to post breaking news. If it weren’t for these posters, I know I would be dumber.
2) The Quizinators – “What shade of taupe are you?”, “What type of 3/16″ metal screw are you?”, or “If you were an Excel chart, how many columns would you have?”. How about the “If you had a life without FB quizzes, would you want to live?” quiz? NOTE: See The Picture People regarding courteous use of space.
And the Top Face of Facebook…..
1) The Shameless Self Promoters – I do it. You do it. All God’s children do it. We promote our latest products, services, fundraisers, special events, etc. If you can’t shake down your friends, who can you shake down? Besides, we just know everyone wants to read our stuff.
