Apr 23, 2009
The Top Ten Faces of Facebook
From our desks high atop a parking lot, we found the following types of Facebook users to be the most popular in these parts.
10) The Martyrs – They wonder why their friends ignore them. We’ll get back to you after you’ve upped your meds.
9) The Braggers – Obsessed with the need to share, these users reveal details of their trips to Gstaad, Daytona Raceway or the new SuperTarget. Everybody knows bragging when they see it. Don’t make me hide you.
8) The Picture People – Bless their hearts, these people actually think their friends are going to view all 427 pictures in one of their 238 different photo albums, from their 2002 Family-Only Christmas to the birth of a new farm animal. Learn to be selective. Besides, your visuals are taking up way too much space.
7) The Gifters – I think so much of you that I sent you a virtual gift. It proves my virtual love for you, my virtual friend. All 786 of you.
6) The TMIers – Thanks to these “Too Much Informationers”, we all know what they eat (sometimes we even get photos!!), when they have a zit, what their child just upchucked and what color it was. Trust me, no one – including your real-life human friends – wants to know that much about your life.
5) The Philosophers – I post Status Updates, therefore I am. No, really, I am.
4) The Best Friends Forevers – How many confirmed users are really your friends? If you didn’t talk to them in high school, why are you talking to them now?
3) The Pick Me Firsters – These are the folks who want to be the first to post breaking news. If it weren’t for these posters, I know I would be dumber.
2) The Quizinators – “What shade of taupe are you?”, “What type of 3/16″ metal screw are you?”, or “If you were an Excel chart, how many columns would you have?”. How about the “If you had a life without FB quizzes, would you want to live?” quiz? NOTE: See The Picture People regarding courteous use of space.
And the Top Face of Facebook…..
1) The Shameless Self Promoters – I do it. You do it. All God’s children do it. We promote our latest products, services, fundraisers, special events, etc. If you can’t shake down your friends, who can you shake down? Besides, we just know everyone wants to read our stuff.
Ah the Quizinators! My first week on FB I took my first exciting quiz… something about what kind of wild animal I was. My final evaluation? “your a lone wolf.” (That was the TEST inventor’s typo, not mine.) But of course who would ever notice since wolves cannot spell. Anyway, that pretty much did it for me in the unscientific, grade school grammar drop-out quiz department, but I do find it amusing–and sometimes frightening–to see how often others indulge in these. Did I just become a TMIer with this comment?
Agreed Quizzinators are awesome. At least they didn’t spell it “your alone wolf”, so could have been worse. This is a really great top ten list Susan. BFFs is funny, and I talk to ones that were ugly in high school but are models now. You can post this to our site http://www.toptentopten.com/ and then link back to your site. We are looking for top ten lists and our users can track back to your site. The coolest feature is you can let other people vote on the rankings of your list.
Boy, you hit the nail on the head with this one! My sentiments exactly, as well as many of my ‘middle-aged’ friends. I expect to see more of this common sense in the future.
Too funny and too true! I have to hide half my “friends” because I want to be social, but not that social. I have to keep my day job too.
Classic – definitely a keeper!
I love this post, Susan. You have seen through the glitz to the real people on Facebook!
Brilliant and hilarious! I like the one on updating the minutiae of one’s life, like waiting for the bus, chewing one’s nails off or having a *censored* in the loo….
Speaking of which you should do one for Twitter too!
[...] This post was Twitted by billives [...]
Thanks so much for posting this on Twitter. As I’ve just now started the whole twitter thing, I haven’t had a chance (okay, clue) as to how to get in touch to thank you. I hope you’ll find my postings interested enough in the future to twitter, comment, etc.
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